The Easter Egg Hunt
by anime fearie
Summary: A piece I submitted to Zeng-Li for the wonderful Turk's Party Series. Warning: contains AF's writing, big yaoi implications and inopropriate use of a chocolate easter egg. You have been warned.


TURK'S PARTY SERIES

AF Style

The Easter Egg Hunt.

_By AF_

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WARNING: CONTAINS AF'S WRITING, SOME YAOI AND INNOPROPRIATE USE OF CHOCOLATE EASTER EGGS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

DISCLAIMER: THE CHARACTERS ARE SQUARE'S.  BUT I HAVE STOLEN THEM, HOGTIED THEM, AND ARE PRESENTLY KEEPING THEM IN MY BASEMENT IN ORDER TO PERFORM BIZZARE EXPERIMENTS ON THEM.

TURK'S PARTY SERIES IS OWNED BY THE LOVELY AND TALENTED ZENG-LI. AUTHORESS OF IMMENSE TALENT AND GODDESS TO ALL FANS OF YAOI EVERYWHERE. UNFORTUNATELY (SOME MIGHT SAY. OTHERS SAY INSANE) IS LETTING ME WRITE AN EPISODE OF THIS MAVELOUSLY AMUSING SERIES.

NOTES: _Special thanks to Zeng-Li for letting me at least submit this.  Since reading the series it has been a secret wish of mine to play with writing a Chapter of it. And is perhaps at least part inspiration for my own massive ongoing fic in the Monsters series.  Well, the match-up at any rate._

_Fic takes place later in the series. Also, I'm making no assumptions on the religious aspects of FF world.  Usually I write things that mention 'the gods' and never as a singular being. But who seriously gives a fuck.  Easter eggs (at certain times in the early hours of the morning) seemed and amusing thing to incorporate into a story no matter the religion.  Just pretend it has nothing to do with anything and you'll feel much better.  Remember this is supposed to be amusing._

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            Silently, the figure slipped into the darkened lab and scanned his surroundings. Cautious, even after making sure of his solitude, he crept toward a glass cabinet along the far wall.  

          Stealth and speed.  It was everything on this mission.  If he were caught here, the penalties would be severe. That he knew.  But it was nothing he was unused to. Most jobs he took, the penalties were severe, or more so.  Besides, he also knew he could get into the lab, take what he needed and get back out before anybody was the wiser.  He had timed it all well. Researched everything.  All he had to do now, was recover the vials he needed. 

          He reached the cabinet and softly eased it open. On the shelves, held secure by rows and rows of holders, were maybe hundreds of vials.  All filled with different liquids.  All numbered and catalogued meticulously. 

          Reaching into his coat pocket, he removed six vials and went about searching for the ones he wanted in the cabinet and replacing them with the ones from his pocket.  He new exactly what he was after, thanks to and earlier raid on the lab's computers, and had the job done within two short minutes.

          Once the wanted vials were securely in his pocket, he shut the cabinet door and began silently retracing his steps toward the door.

          Before he was there though, another figure stepped up to the door from the other side and flicked the light on.  Glasses glinting in the fluorescent light, figure slightly hunched, hair tied back in an oily ponytail. He looked at the intruder and started slightly before recognition finally won over his features.

          "Can I help you Mr. Nevada?" Came the rasping voice of the Professor.

          Reno, hastily trying to assume a look of pure innocence and ignorance, shrugged lightly.  

          "I was lookin' for th' boss. Thought he had a physical today. Guess not."

          With the same fake casual air, Reno sauntered past the confused Professor Hojo and out of the lab.

          He had really hoped /not/ to run into the professor.  Even though the Professor would have an almost impossible time trying to figure out what Reno had done, the guy just gave him the absolute creeps.

          At least he had done the job and could return home and carry on with the rest of the preparations he'd planned out for tonight.  

          One thing was sure. Easter Friday was going to be far more entertaining than eating fish and going to various churches. 

          Reno grinned, feeling the weight of the small vials in his pocket.

          This party was going to interesting.__

Turks  Party Headquarters: Reno's Apartment.

"Come in, come in." Reno said ushering the last two guests into his apartment and shutting the door with his right foot.  In his hands was a basket full on small foil wrapped Easter eggs which Tseng looked at dubiously.

"Have an egg." Reno offered holding the basket out to his boss.

Tseng shook his head with a determined look.  "There are less suspicious ways of poisoning me Reno. I would have expected more from you."

Reno raised both eyebrows at his boss.  "But aren't the most conspicuous ways usually the most overlooked because of their outward simplicity?" 

Tseng looked at his subordinate with something mixed with pride and utter confusion.  "Now I know I'm being set up.  If you can still bullshit that well, I know you aren't drunk yet.  Why would /you/ want to stay sober?"

"Lifestyle change?" Reno offered pathetically.

Tseng just took a deep breath and made a bee-line toward Rude and Rufus battling it out on the pool table.

To the person who had arrived with Tseng, Reno began the same offer.

Reeve wasn't any different.  

"I know how you like to irritate Tseng, but I was hoping to forgo any poisoning myself.  I'm actually a little offended that you tried."

Reno rolled his eyes at the man.  "Oh c'mon, Easter eggs are not lethal unless you're a diabetic.  Besides its part of tonight's party game. You'll /have/ to have one at some point."

"Why?" Reeve asked suspiciously. "If they're nothing but chocolate, what's the fun of the game?"

Reno grinned rather evilly.  "I never said anything about them all being /only/ chocolate.  All I said is that none of them are lethal. Most of them are the usual hollow, chocolate eggs. Some have liquid centers. That's all I'm going to tell you. Here," Reno used one of his hands to dig around in the basket for a while, finally coming up with a normal looking egg wrapped in lime foil. "I swear this is a plain egg."  

He handed the egg to Reeve who sniffed it suspiciously.

"What? Dontcha trust me?" Reno asked putting on a hurt expression.

As expected, Reeve seeing the hurt expression, unwrapped the foil and gingerly took a bite. After a moment's careful chewing, his expression relaxed and he wandered further into the apartment.

Reno smiled wider and peered down at his basket. Multicolored eggs stared back at him.  Reno alone knew the color code for them. Lime, the largest number of eggs, were all normal chocolate.  The rest were blue, green, red, yellow, pink, purple, orange and aqua.  All containing different drugs pilfered from Hojo's lab. Several striped ones even contained concoctions of two. All color coded for Reno's personal reference.  He knew what each drug did, and he knew of the side effects. And each had been chosen specifically with each of his party guests in mind.  Tonight, his guests were going to get a party they wouldn't forget. They were going to become different people. All Reno had to do was wait until they were all drunk enough to let him feed them the eggs.

The drugs were all in no way fatal, and would wear off in a matter of hours.  He had made doubly sure of that.

The night wore on and Reno alone stayed sober.  Not that anybody knew that. Only after Reno had taken a few swigs of something had Tseng loosened up enough to start himself.  But what Reno drank was nothing more than water in a vodka bottle. He wanted to be sober for this. To keep everyone none the wiser he had even gone upstairs for a while, only to return naked apart from half a large hollow egg strategically covering his groin.  Nobody was surprised at the display and nobody asked how Reno had managed to keep the egg there.

Soon enough, even the most stalwart drinkers were starting to stumble and hum off key tunes along to Reno's pumping stereo.  And finally, Reno figured it was time to began distributing the eggs.

First, he put on a pair of bunny ears.

Then he began to circulate with his basket.  Reno was trying very hard not to grin like an idiot.  

First was Rufus.  And for Rufus, he was given a Green wrapped egg.  The egg that was born and drugged with Heidigar in mind.  The side effect of such was a fit of manacle laughing.

Being as drunk as he was, Rufus accepted and munched on the egg immediately, not raising his eyes from the pool game once.

Rude went much the same way.  He got a Pink egg.  Constant communication. Talking, gesturing, the whole works. Inspired by Elena.

Blue, heightened intelligence. Inspired by Reeve, given to Scarlet.

One of /the/ most amusing; Yellow. Inspired by Scarlet it induced severe drunkenness that gave the intended a rather liberal and uncaring view on their actions and just about anything. That one was given to Tseng.  Needless to say, Reno had his camera ready for that one.

Orange, solemn insightful Rude.  That went to Heidigar.

When Reno got  up to Reeve, he almost stopped.  Sure he wasn't going to kill the man, but needlessly shaming /this/ man was not going to help the plans he had for later in the night.  To play it safe, he switched the red and purple striped egg for a straight purple one of the ultimate perfectionist Tseng.

Elena's Aqua one was made with Rufus in mind.  Whoever took that drug were going to live through a period of thinking that they were a god.

After each egg had been distributed Reno, still clad in nothing but bunny ears and a chocolate Easter egg took a seat on the side of the couch and watched the group, eager for their responses.

Nothing happened.

Reno frowned. With the doses he had given them at least one of them should have begun to show signs of the changes.  Rufus and Rude were still playing pool. Tseng and Elena were talking 'seriously' on the couch beside him.  Heidigar and Scarlet were playing with each other somewhere in the dining room.  And Reeve was….rearranging the plastic flowers in the vase on Reno's coffee table while squatting in front of the stereo he'd been changing the tracks on.

Reno frowned at this.  Okay, so Reeve was rearranging flowers. Didn't prove the drug was working. All that did was cast doubt on the man's sexuality. In other words, nothing nobody would see as new.

Carefully Reno returned to watching Rufus and Rude. Nothing really different. The two were still playing pool as always.  Rufus was laughing at something Rude had said while taking a shot at the eight ball.

Reno went to look away but suddenly stopped.  Okay, Rufus /was/ known to laugh on occasion. But Rude….was…talking? Quite animatedly by the looks of things too.  The smirk on Reno's face grew.

And so the night progressed. 

Reno had decided it was definitely time for the camera when Tseng had climbed up on the pool table to perform an impromptu strip tease to Reno's Metallica CD.  

Reeve was in the process of rearranging Reno's lounge room furniture.  Scarlet and Rude were out on the balcony having some in-depth philosophical discussion on the morals and ethics of today's hard society.  Heidigar in a moment of brooding clarity had come to the conclusion (that he now shared with the entire Shinra Corp.) that he was in fact a right asshole.  Elena was watching Tseng's performance with a smug smile telling everyone that he was performing solely for her because she had asked and he worshipped her.  Rufus was laughing at them both.

And Reno took photos. Many many photos. 

The only problem that had come up was Reeve and his insistence that he take the photos because he and he alone could do it with the precision necessary.

"Go to my basket and pick out a Red egg." Reno had instructed him. "It'll take your mind off the photos kay?"

Reeve looked dubious.

"Look, there are more red ones and it makes the colors uneven."

That had worked.  After that Reno had been able to finish his documentation of the party with little interruptions save for when he had turned away from the pool table, spent camera in hand to find Reeve standing directly behind him. Flushed, breathless and smiling a smile that seemed to have no place on Reeve's face.

Had Reno said 'Red'? He had meant Green. 

_Fuck._

"Uh Reeve?" Reno began, swallowing thickly, "Did you eat a Red egg?"

"To even up the colors." Reeve acknowledged.

Reno couldn't be sure, but had the other man's voice dropped a few octaves.  Was he sounding like that on purpose?

"I better get you some..uh..water…" Reno stammered.

Reeve slowly shook his head. "I don't want any water."

"Pretzel?" He tried again feebly.

Another shake of the head. His eyes never leaving Reno's.

Reeve drew another fraction closer. "I want…"

He drew in closer to speak directly into Reno's ear.  Upon hearing the request, Reno's eyes went very wide and his face colored slightly.  Quite a feat considering Reno's usual vocabulary.

Reeve took his hand and began leading his soundlessly toward the stairs.  Reno couldn't have stopped him even if he'd wanted to.

"Beer's in the fridge. No pissing on the palm." He called absently over his shoulder.

He really shouldn't have given Reeve the 'Reno' Red egg.  At least not yet. He had been saving /that/ for later.

Regardless, they had only been in the room for five seconds before a loud knocking interrupted something that hadn't even had a chance to begin.

"Beer's in the fridge!" Reno called out irately.

"Tseng's gone." Came Rufus' voice amidst a fit of amused laughter. "He said he wanted to find the music. Either that or he was going to tell my father off. I couldn't quite make it out."

"Oh…my…god." 

"You aren't supposed to say that till later." Reeve complained.

"And now even later." Reno mumbled grabbing his jeans and hurriedly getting into them.  If Tseng had gone wandering in Midgar, Reno didn't fancy the idea of chasing after the man in nothing but bunny ears and an Easter egg.

Once dressed he looked back at Reeve who was, at this moment, doing some very un-Reeve things on Reno's bed.

"C'mon. I'm taking you with me. If I leave you here you're likely to have seduced at least 50 per cent of the party guests before I get back."

On Reno's way to the door he questioned everyone on what had happened. The best he was able to get was a half naked Tseng running out of the apartment singing at the top of his lungs after saying that he thought that the President deserved a kick in the ass because he was Tseng's boss and Heidigar hadn't responded much when Tseng had thrown a punch at him. He had only remarked that he probably deserved it.

"Rufus, Rude. You two are the most coherent. Come with me."

Elena pushed passed him and continued toward the door. "Take me to Tseng puny human! I will strike him down for his blasphemy against his goddess!"

Reno gave Rude a quizzical look.

"He wouldn't kiss her feet on command.  Literally."

Reno shook his head.  Since when did /he/ have to be the in control one? He never had to be. And he knew why. It sucked.  

"No more staying sober for me." Reno mumbled following the 'goddess' out the door and dragging Reeve behind him by his shirt collar.  Reeve had begun making eyes at Scarlet.  It was making him nauseous. 

"Fine, I'll take Elena, Rufus and Reeve with me. Rude stay here and make sure nobody kills themselves."

In theory, tracking down the half naked leader of the Turks through the streets of Midgar should have been fairly simple. How wrong could Reno have been. Sure he was easy enough to track, most people they had passed seemed to have recognized the infamous Turk leader, but Tseng had had a good head start.

"Insolent human!" Elena muttered stalking down the streets ahead of the others.

Reno could barely hear her being at the back of the group, trying the peel Reeve off the passersby they so frequently encountered.

Rufus alone seemed to be having the time of his life, finding every little detail of their adventure most amusing.

Elena suddenly stopped in her tracks and whirled on the Vice-President, eyes ablaze. "How dare you laugh at your goddess!"

This of course, only served to set Rufus off more.  The blond man was practically bent over, tears streaming down his face.

"Foolish mortal, feel the wrath of your goddess!"

Elena advanced on the hunched over man, malicious intent in her eyes.  Reno dashed up to them and stood between them.

"Rufus, shut up. Elena calm down. We gotta find Tseng remember."

Rufus did seem to settle down a bit, but Elena's fury only got worse with the mention of her 'subject' that had fled the apartment earlier.  

"I have no time for such games." She informed Rufus with a haughty expression.  "I must find the impudent fool who has turned on me."

With that she spun on her heel and started off again.

Reno wasn't sure, but he thought he managed to stop the massacre.

Giggling slightly, Rufus followed the 'goddess'.

Reno was about to go after them himself when he realized he was forgetting something.

After a few moments he found Reeve in the shadowed recess of a doorway heavily making out with a young woman they'd passed earlier.

Reno broke the two up with an irritated gesture and sent the woman away. To Reeve he said: "If you hadn't been drugged by my own hand I'd be very offended about now."

"Hmmm…" Reeve purred.

_Reeve was /purring/?_

"…Mebbe I should make it up to you."

Before he had too great a chance of being distracted Reeve backed away from Reeve's wandering hands and resumed dragging him down the street after the others.

"I really have to wonder about you sometimes Reeve."

The trail led them to a posh bar not too far from Reno's apartment. It had taken the four of them almost twenty minutes to make the walk though. It usually only took Reno five. That meant that Tseng had been here for at least half an hour.  What could a massively drunken half naked Turk do in that time?

He soon saw the answer for himself.

Elena swept into the room first. Her face was alight with the chance of personally meeting more mortals to serve her.  She went in expecting every one of them to bow down in her very presence and be awed by her beauty.  Obviously when they didn't, she was quite upset.  

Luck would have it that she wasn't armed.

Rufus went in casually, took in all aspects of the room, and decided to settle into a corner and giggle quietly to himself.

Reno was tempted to cuff Reeve to a table. As it turned out he did have to tie the man's hands behind his back with a felt cord he'd found by the entryway and seat him next to Rufus in the corner.  Hopefully that'd keep him out of trouble for at least five seconds.

After that was done, Reno managed to get a glimpse of Tseng.  A stage had been set up for a small rock band in the center of the room. It was there, in front of the lead singer's microphone did he spot his boss. Shirtless, shoeless, bandanna tied around his forehead, bottle in hand, belting out the lyrics to the accompaniment of the band.  At his feet men and woman alike swooned to the music, chanting at the godlike stature of the man before them.

Before freaking out entirely, Reno stopped and listened to the music for a while.  He was surprised to find that it was really rather good.  The realization that he was going to be sacked after tonight didn't even really bother him in the least. He was just pissed that he hadn't thought to bring his camera.

"He's trying to usurp my power hold on the people." Elena confided to him. 

"Uh-huh." Reno answered distractedly. He had looked over into the corner where his friends were sitting.  Reeve, hands bound was trying desperately to get within licking distance of his table companion.

With his most reverent tone, Reno excused himself and went to fetch Reeve, intent on taking him into the restroom and sticking his head under a faucet.

Cold water dribbling down his face, but no less subdued, Reno dragged Reeve back into the main room.  He immediately noticed that the music had stopped and Tseng was missing.

"Fuck! Where did he go?"

Rufus giggled and pointed at the door.

"C'mon we gotta go after him!"

The troupe stumbled out into the night and resumed their search.

As before, he was easy enough to track.  The trail led them to a smoking building a couple of blocks over.  A woman stood on the sidewalk flanked by dozens of onlookers.  She held a baby closely to her chest, tears streaming down her face.

Reno groaned at the sight.  "Please tell me a half naked Wutaian didn't turn up with a packet of matches."

"The man with the long black hair?" The woman asked confused. "No of course not! A spark from the stove. He turned up, saved my baby!" She told Reno with bright eyes.  "He was our savior."

"An evil twist of fate." Elena mumbled looking at the building.  "Not the work of me."

Reno couldn't say anything. He just wore this look of bemusement. 

"Batman after a few beers." Rufus giggled.

They hunted Tseng through two sectors. Two stopped robberies, three stopped muggings and one rescued cat from a tree.  By the end of it, Rufus was dubbing Tseng 'Superhero, le Inebriated' and was thinking about issuing him a commendation on superb drunkenness.

Elena had just been backing up her statement that Tseng was just trying to win over her mortals with cheap tricks. She didn't really sound so sure of this though. Not like she would have been a couple of hours ago.  

With a sickening realization, Reno realized that maybe the drugs were beginning to wear off.  With the exception of Reeve's latest dose, they had been in the thrall of the drugs for a good long time now.  Surely Tseng's own senses were beginning to come back to him as well.  

They found out a while later. They tracked him in a full circle that led all the way back to Reno's apartment building.  They found the auspicious hero half comatose in the lobby wearing a purple silk shirt and a pair of fuzzy chocobo slippers, a red band bandanna, soot stains marring his cheeks and his navy blue Turks slacks not in the least bit rumpled.

Reno sank to his knees next to his boss in pure relief.  "Tseng?"

Tseng stirred slightly and groaned.

"At least he's alive." Rufus remarked.  "I lost the bet with Rude I guess."

He and Elena disappeared into the elevator and Reeve crouched on the opposite side on Tseng and felt for a pulse.  After a moment Reno had to stop him.

"You're feeling for a pulse Reeve, not caressing his neck."

Reeve smiled innocently and removed his hand.

"Reno?" Came Tseng's groggy voice.

"Boss? You alright?"

Tseng nodded weakly. "What happened?"

Overcome with relief at seeing both that Tseng was alright and the bonus that he didn't seem to remember anything that had happened, Reno bent down and planted a big sloppy kiss on his boss' sooty cheek.

"Arg, Reno. Cut it out." He returned with a boneless swipe at Reno.

The elevator 'pinged' and the party troupe disembarked into the lobby.  It seemed that the party was over.

"Scarlet and Heidigar left a little while ago. Want us to take Tseng home?" Rude asked.

"Please." Reno said helping Rude haul the inert body of their boss to his feet.

They all began filing out of the building talking loudly to each other about what had happened. Only Rufus and Reeve remained.

"Hey Reno? What did you put in those eggs?" Rufus asked.

"If you promise to help me out if Tseng starts remembering everything, I'll tell you exactly what the drug was and where you can get more." Reno promised stepping up to the elevator and pushing Reeve in before him.

Rufus smiled slightly. "You don't have more?"

"Not now I don't." Reno said stubbornly backing into the elevator.  "I'm going upstairs and I'm going straight to bed okay?"

The elevator doors closed between them. Reeve was standing in the back of the elevator dangling a small length of red felt rope from his fingers. Reno finished his earlier statement with a smile.

"With a drugged up sex crazed perfectionist."

******

_Notes: hrm well, I know that it kinda fell flat at the end, but hey, it wasn't supposed to be an epic.  Did I do the series justice? No. But who can apart from its creator?  All I can hope is that I managed to amuse at least a few.  Sorry but I love playing with Reno and Reeve as well. Like I said, I'm a sucker for the pairing. Teehee._

_Be one with the fic_

_AF_

_anime_fearie@excite.com_

_All stories can be found on the 70th Floor at Neo Midgar_

_http://www.geocities.com/anime_fearie/_


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